Blogger Spotlight: Author/journalist Christine Estima

Then in school, we had to take keyboarding class, so we all learned how to type on typewriters. At the time we didn’t appreciate the class because we didn’t think it would be a skill we would ever use. I remember a girl in my class said, “I’m not going to be a secretary when I grow up, why do I even need this?” But now I’m so grateful, being a writer, that we had this class. I can type about 90 wpm and it allows my essays and op-eds to just flow free.

I love the font of typewriters, I like the tactile quality. I love the ding at the end the of page, I love slamming the platen back to home. I love the gorgeous THACK THACK THACK noise the keys make as you type. There is also a violence to typewriters that I quite enjoy. The keys strike the page with such torque, I half-expect blood to drip from the page . . . if only it would.

It’s strange, as an adult, and living in a computerized world, to want ditch the digital and return to analog.

As far as I can remember, I’ve always been telling stories of some kind. I see myself more as a storyteller than a writer. At first the storyteller in me took the form of performance, and I thought acting was going to be my path, but despite my many achievements in that area, there was something about it that left a bad taste in my mouth. Probably the idea that you can be denied a job not because of talent but because of how you look, which I think is pure fuckery. How can you measure talent and ability in appearance?

But also, personally, I struggled to really be vulnerable on stage. In truth, I don’t like being vulnerable in front of a large group of people. But in writing, I don’t mind being as vulnerable as I can. There’s some kind of disconnect for me when it comes to performance, and I feel like I’m revealing too much of myself in person, but I don’t mind revealing myself in my words.

Every once in a while, the performer in me comes out, it’s probably my need to be a ham. I’ve done a lot of Spoken Word and Live-Storytelling at events in London, New York City, and Toronto, in front of huge audiences.

Being vulnerable in my writing always came much easier. I got my first professional publication when I was 18 and I never looked back. Since then, I’ve had everything published from essays, op-eds, editorials, music/film/theatre/book reviews, travel writing, academic essays, and interviews with celebrities, to short stories and I’ve even had a few plays produced professionally as well. I’ve been really lucky to have my fiction published in prestigious literary magazines that only accept around 1% of the submitted work. My main focus has always been fiction, and it always will be. I’ve always loved dreaming up stories and scenarios and exploring them to their fullest.

Writing is very cathartic and I get to explore ideas and themes that I find it difficult to explore in conversation sometimes. I often feel like the people I talk to aren’t actually listening to me. Everyone has ADHD or they’re checking their phones, and it’s hard to find people who truly listen to you. But when it’s writing, people can read it at their leisure in between Instagramming so at least the message gets across. And I have to say, most of the stuff I write has garnered a lot of great feedback. It’s great when something you’ve poured yourself into incites a deep emotional response from someone. Or when something satirical or comedic gets all the laughs in the right spot.

When I’m angry about an injustice, I write. Like when I wrote about a woman who asked me to kill her cat. Or when I wrote about the #FHRITP phenomenon that glorifies rape culture. When I’m sad and going through a lot of pain, I write.

I feel like great art requires great suffering. The best work I’ve ever done has always come out of my pain. So when I’m done wallowing in self pity, I pick myself up, pull myself the fuck together, and write.

So far it’s been a really fruitful journey. I’ve been really lucky with the places I’ve been published: national pop culture magazines, literary journals, academic journals, anthologies, once I was even published in an encyclopedia!

Always having an eye for stories and engaging content is a skill that takes years to cultivate. I’m not like Jack Kerouac who wrote On The Road in 2 weeks. I have to admit to myself that I’m not naturally gifted. I had to work for years to develop my style and tone and voice and form. Those things didn’t just appear in my brain by fairies. Cultivating talent means a lot of failure, and lemme tell you, I’ve had a lot of rejection in my life. I’ve had story after story rejected, and the stack of rejection letters I’ve received could fill a warehouse. But unlike some writers I know, I never let that destroy me. I always knew I was good at what I do, so I just let that stuff roll off my back and I kept going.

For example, recently a short story of mine was accepted into a literary journal. That story made the magazine rounds for TWO years, and was rejected again and again. But I knew it was good, so I just kept submitting it and finally someone saw its worth and bought it. Same thing happened a few years ago when a short story of mine was rejected across the board for two years, then one day I received word that it was shortlisted for the 2011 Writer’s Union of Canada short prose award. That really gave me the confidence boost I needed, and I continued to submit it until finally a great literary magazine bought it.

Perseverance, patience, and ambition are probably a writer’s greatest asset. It’s true that talent is super important as well, because the cream will always rise to the top, but I know a lot of talented writers, better than me, who gave up on writing years ago because they didn’t have any drive or ambition. They don’t particularly care to see their name in print or to pursue this as a career. It is a very precarious career that offers little security, so it’s not for the faint of heart. All that stuff never bothered me really, I’ve always been a bit of a nomadic waif anyway. So for me the talent was always paramount with my ambition. You really need to have both if you’re going to make a name for yourself in an industry that doesn’t owe you any favours.

I always tell writers, you gotta hustle! You gotta pitch all the time, send out queries, write as often as you can, read as often as you can, and follow up! Pitch, follow up, and if they don’t like it, pitch something else. Strive to always come up with ideas and brainstorm them until they are refined and cohesive. I don’t always get it right, I’ve published some things that missed the mark a little and weren’t my best stuff. But you have to fail as often as you succeed, otherwise the payoff isn’t as great.

And the best thing about being a freelance writer is that I am beholden to no one and no place. I can work from anywhere. Which is why I’ve been living on-and-off in Europe since 2007. The only things I need to do my job are a WiFi signal and a cup of coffee. Thanks to the mobile nature of my work, my nomadic nature, and my dual citizenship, I ended up living in nine cities across Europe, including London, Cologne, Brussels, Amsterdam, Copenhagen, Berlin and Paris. I just packed up and moved whenever I felt like it, and in every city, I would write and write and write. I probably know all the best cafes in each of these aforementioned cities because I wrote in all of them! And my body of work shows it.

Now that I’m back in Toronto, I’m really pulling all the strings and networking all the contacts that I’ve made here over the years, and hustlin’ like mad to get my writing and ideas out there. I have a lot of stuff in the can, and a lot of forthcoming publications to look forward to. I’m also editing my second novel, and that is taking up a lot of my energy, but I love it and can’t wait for the day it’s published to share it with the world.

Little sneak peak: the novel features a typewriter that is an integral part of the plot. ‘Natch.

- Christine Estima

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Follow Christine Estima on Twitter & Instagram. Visit her blog!

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Actress Katie Boland: What Happened After 'the Summer She Lost Her Mind'

For everyone, heartbreak is a painful and unwelcomed emotion, but for actress Katie Boland (The Master, Gerontophilia, CW’s Reign), it would also be her serendipitous source of inspiration. Her web-series, Long Story, Short, boldly recounts every sad and humiliating detail of what she calls ‘the summer I lost my mind’, and has quickly gained a huge internet following.

Boland’s relationship sorrows also strongly influence her first novel, Eat Your Heart Out, a collection of dark and evocative short stories, and most recently her Huffington Post article about breaking the cycle of abuse.

Indeed, much has happened to the Toronto-native since she was recognized by Elle Canada and the Toronto International Film Festival for her impressive film work. TorontoVerve sat down with the multi-faceted artist to talk about her career success and her relationship woes.

TorontoVerve: You’re a hard working actor. You’ve worked in so many mediums: movies, television, print and digital. Have I missed anything? 

Katie Boland: No (laughs).

TV: Can you sing? 

KB: No, I can’t sing. I’m actually a terrible singer.

TV: So no future albums coming out for you. 

KB: No, no album (laughs).

TV: It’s 2015. How did you ring in the new year? 

KB: I was at a house party with my brother and my closest friends. I rang in the New Year in a wonderful way. I was really happy.

TV: What’s your New Year’s resolution? 

KB: I have a couple. First, I’d like to be more focussed on self-acceptance and less focussed on self-improvement. Also, this past year was amazing and I’ve had an abundance of experiences, but I definitely feel a little burnt out so I’d like to rest more in 2015.

TV: 2014 has certainly been good to you. Long Story, Short launched and you won a Canadian Screen Award for Best Performance in a Digital Series. The show is being compared to HBO’s “Girls.” What was your vision for the series when you began writing it?  

KB: I wrote it because I wanted to explore that period in my life, which I call “the summer I lost my mind,” but to be honest, I didn’t necessarily have a clear vision. I’ve never written anything for the screen before and I’ve never been a showrunner. I didn’t know what to expect, but I knew that I wanted to make something with my friends. So I think my vision was to work hard and try to have a collaborative space. My mom directed it. She’s an incredibly hard worker so I knew that it would look good, but I did not think that it would have the life that it’s had. It’s been a wonderful surprise. 

TV: What kind of response have you been getting from people on the street and social media? 

KB: Well, it’s been really interesting with its most recent launch on VervegirlTV. I’ve gotten so many tweets from many people who would say, “This feels like a transcript of my life” or “Wow! I really relate to this” or “These drunken mishaps are hilarious and sad.” I think I felt very alone during that time, but I shouldn’t have because I think that many people have gone through similar experiences in trying to find themselves in destructive and hilarious ways.

TV: The women in the series offer each other much advice when it comes to texting men. For those who haven’t seen the series yet, what are some of the important rules to know about texting and dating? 

KB: (Laughs) OK, I always screw it up! I always say I’m going to play it cool and then I can’t -- especially if I like the guy. So I don’t know if I should be giving this kind of advice, but I think hopefully you meet somebody and it clicks, and you don’t have to worry about all of that stuff. You can text them whenever you want to and vice-versa. I think what’s important to work on before you fall in love or start dating someone you like is to have self-esteem and know your self-worth so when you’re texting someone and they don’t text you back, it won’t be a major heartbreak. You can say, “OK, this person isn’t ready. I’m not going to take it personally and let it ruin my day.” For me, it used to be when a guy didn’t text me back, I was like, “Oh my God! Why?!” I’d be consumed by it. So my rules are: try to date someone kind because life is hard. It should be fun at the beginning.

TV: You’ve worked with your mother, director Gail Harvey, on film projects before, but what does it mean to you to collaborate with her on such a personal project? 

KB: She’s very supportive and nonjudgmental. It was really the first time we collaborated. She is more experienced than I am as far as filmmaking goes so she didn’t have to be as supportive as she was. It was amazing. I felt really grateful.

TV: Did she ever have to tell you, “Let’s dial it back a little. This is too crazy.” 

KB: Well, I directed the sex scenes, not my mom. That would be awkward for the guys (laughs). No, she never asked to dial it back. If anything, I felt like we both wanted to push it farther than we did.

TV: Long Story, Short is partly based on your own personal heartbreaks and in your book (“Eat Your Heart Out”) dedication, you credit Peter for your heartbreak, which led to writing the book. What have you learned about yourself through your heartbreaks? 

KB: I learned a library worth of knowledge. I would say that I had two really major heartbreaks: my first and last breakups. I felt almost reinvented through each experience. It sounds cheesy, but I felt like a whole new person in a way. I’ve learned that you have to love yourself and deal with whatever’s screwed up inside of you because another relationship is not going to fix it. I learnt to be strong and to be OK with being alone. I learned to make art out of bad things that happen to me. Sometimes the worst things that happen to you are actually the greatest gifts in the world.

TV: So what do your heartbreakers think of your art? 

KB: Peter is great. He told me that he was touched by the book dedication and that he really liked Long Story, Short. He and I are still very good friends. I think the response has mainly been positive. That’s the weird thing about relationships. You can be so close and then you never see each other again (laughs).

TV: That can also be a good thing. 


KB: Sometimes that has to happen (laughs).

TV: Alcoholism plays a big part in your web series and in your book. Since both draw heavily on your life, is it safe to say that you’ve been personally confronted with the hardships of alcoholism? 

KB: Yeah, definitely people close to me have struggled with alcoholism and addiction. It also runs in my family for sure, but my mom and dad both don’t drink, which is amazing. I’m reading an interesting book now called “Drink: The Intimate Relationship Between Women and Alcohol” and it’s about the drinking culture amongst young women. I think the way most young people drink today isn’t healthy. I think often times when I was binge drinking, it was to deal with something inside me.

TV: I enjoyed reading “Eat Your Heart Out.” 

KB: Thank you!

TV: I was particularly intrigued with the lead character in your short story “Monster.” Unknown to her finance, she’s a sociopath who has little regard for life. I found it very interesting that you chose her to deliver a very insightful anti- alcohol abuse message (“escaping through alcohol allows people to remain stuck in the lives they hate. I believe that if you are unhappy, you might as well know it, and know it always”). Why select her instead of one of your benevolent characters to give that message in the book? 

KB: Well, I think that that character is wired wrong. Her point of view is very black and white. She lacks empathy. I think that’s a rather harsh way of looking at alcoholism and the people who drink to escape their lives. There’s not much tenderness in her view; however, I don’t think that she’s necessarily wrong. That’s how I felt at that point in my life about drinking. If you need to get drunk every weekend to be fulfilled, maybe you need to stop drinking so you can deal with some of the bigger issues or problems in your life.

TV: Was that a personal lesson you’ve learned about drinking? 

KB: It’s definitely something that I spent much time thinking about. If I’m drinking a lot or if the people around me are drinking a lot, I always wonder why and what other motivating factors there are. Drinking is such an accepted behaviour in society and I don’t think necessarily that you’re getting any closer to knowing yourself or the people that you’re getting drunk with.

TV: So will your character, Kristen, in Long Story, Short learn that lesson? 

KB: I don’t know. I have to see where season two will go. I would hope so because you want to see a character progress. I think that alcoholism is something that you always struggle with. Kristen is in real denial about her drinking. I would like to see her hit rock bottom before she comes up.

TV: On the show, your friend Dave tells Kristen: “You will care about anyone so long as they don’t care about you.” This is also a similar theme in your novel. Is there any truth to that in your real life? 

KB: In Long Story, Short, Kristen’s self-esteem is all f@%ked up and for a long time, that’s how I really was. There were many really wonderful men who wanted to date me, but I really didn’t like myself enough to let them like me in a respectful and fulfilling way. Much of what I explore in my book and Long Story, Short are people who don’t love themselves and have low self-esteem. Thanks to my art, I’m in a different place now and I’ve learned to love myself, which is the cornerstone to every good thing in life.

TV: Is there anyone special in your life right now?

KB: No, I’m not dating anyone; however, there are MULTIPLE special people in my life: my friends and family.

TV: You’ve recently revealed in your Huffington Post column that you had a pattern of being in emotionally abusive relationships. What made you want to share something so personal with your readers? 

KB: It’s hard not to look at anything like that as a mistake or regret. I now look at everything as lessons. I hope that maybe there’s one girl in the world who would read that and feel less alone or have some sort of clarity on what is a very emotionally confusing situation. I’m really a believer in women telling their stories and men owning what’s happened to them. I felt like if I owned it and put it out there, then it wouldn’t define me. It would be something that I can finally put in the past. I was far enough along in my recovery to talk about it with clarity. Also, writing things like that helps me. It reminds me of where I don’t want to go again. And what’s the point in going through all of that and not help somebody too? It makes it less about me and more about helping someone in need.

TV: Did your abusive relationships serve as inspiration for your short story “Tragic Hero”? Rich, your lead character, had a tendency to subtly control his young female friend, Maggie. 

KB: What’s interesting is when I wrote that book, I didn’t know that I was in emotionally abusive relationships. That’s the craziest part about it. You don’t realize what’s happening is wrong or that you’re a part of a sick cycle. I think I knew subconsciously and expressed it through my art, but I didn’t have any concrete awareness about it. I find characters like Rich interesting. I like writing about people who are a bit screwed up or bent. I think I’m drawn to those types of relationships in my art, but not in my real life anymore.

TV: What would you recommend to anyone who wants to break away from that painful cycle? 

KB: It’s a difficult thing because it has to happen when they’re ready. You can talk to somebody about it until you’re blue in the face, but if they’re not ready, it’s not going to end. If you’re friends with someone who’s in a situation like that, just be there for them, listen, don’t get frustrated with them and don’t make them feel stupid because they’re already frustrated with themselves and feel stupid enough. I would also say that there is a lot of free help that you can get. Seeing a therapist can be very helpful. Trying to find people in the same situation can help too. My advice would be to get out. It’s really hard at first, but after you do, your life gets exponentially better.

TV: Both you and your mother have a production company called “Straight Shooters” and are currently developing other television projects. What can we expect from both of you next? 

KB: We have three different television projects in development. We are also working on a documentary about Rickie Lee Jones who is a very famous American singer. My mom is directing it and I’m producing it. And we’re doing some more mini- episodes of Long Story, Short, which I’m really excited about. I also have five different films coming out this year.

TV: What are you looking forward to the most in 2015? 

KB: I think all the cool projects that I’m going to get to do with my friends. That’s what I’m really looking forward to. And hopefully continuing to be happy and healthy.

TV: Care to close with a little word association? 

KB: Sure. 


TV: Toronto. 


KB: Drake.

TV: Beauty. 


KB: Mark. 


TV: Fashion. 


KB: Cabaret Vintage.

TV: Mom. 

KB: Best friend.

TV: Art. 


KB: Important.

TV: Pain. 


KB: Necessary.

TV: Love. 


KB: Nice. 


TV: Hate. 


KB: Needless.

TV: Future. 

KB: Hopeful.

TV: Happiness. 

KB: Today.

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Check out Katie's website and follow her on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

Watch the first episode of Long Story, Short below:

A Sneak Peek of Our Photo-Shoot With Actress Katie Boland

TorontoVerve talks to the rising Canadian star about "the summer she lost her mind" and more! 

Check out Katie Boland's (The Master, Gerontophilia, CW’s Reign) revealing interview and stunning photo-shoot here soon!

TIFF Inspirations: Dragon-Mom

Dragon-Mom* 

Closing Night Gala
USA 2013
English
World Premiere
101 minutes - Colour
Cast: Jennifer Harris

Olympic Gold Medallist Janet Gibson has nothing but pride seeing her daughter Jessica train with her teammates for the Major League Dragon Boat Series. Before winning her gold medal in kayaking 15 years ago, Janet led her dragon boat team to many victories, and was hopeful that Jessica would follow the same path. But Janet's world turns upside down after a fatal car accident claims her daughter's life.

Inspired by true events, Dragon-Mom tells the story of a mother who joins her late daughter's team to compete against the best of the best in the Dragon Boat Majors -- all in the name of her daughter. Can the heart of an Olympian lead them to victory?

An inspirational film worthy of closing the festival.


* This is my tribute to the Toronto International Film Festival. It is not a real film.

Amber Joliat: Farewell to Summer

It's hard to believe that summer's over, but before we bid it a fond farewell to make way for chilly Fall, let's enjoy one last warm day at Ashbridges Bays (otherwise known as The Beaches or The Beach) with Yoga & Pilates instructor Amber Joliat of Misfit Studio.

TorontoVerve: Amber, you've appeared on TorontoVerve twice before -- the last time celebrating New Year's resolutions and fitness. Since then you've moved your thriving Misfit Studio to a bigger location and you've been named as one of BlogTo's Best Yoga Studios in Toronto. Can you tell us a bit about who you were before your success?

Amber Joliat:  I was a dancer -- it was my first language as a child. Always painting and dancing, my life was fuelled by creativity. I started teaching dance when I was 14, working in a company or performing. After finishing my art degree in Italy, I pursued a career in art by drawing and painting. But realizing how difficult it was surviving as a painter, I went back to dance and inevitably taught Yoga and Pilates.

TV: How does dancing help you express yourself?

AJ: It just flows from me. I feel like a vessel of pure divine spirit. And here I am, running a studio 2 years deep. Still trying to figure out HOW to, but following so honestly and truthfully my inner language.

TV: And what has the response been like from your students?

AJ: They really feel that it's innovative, creative, passionate and expressive, which I guess is new and different. They also feel that there is an authentic sense of community and connection. My philosophy is 'let's just dance, love and learn from each other.' And that actually happens.

TV: Obviously things are going well for you. How did you feel when BlogTo named you as one of the best Yoga studios in Toronto?

AJ: It's interesting. We live in a time where we want to rank things and make lists. In that sense, it's an honour. In the same breath, I feel like every single day I'm humbled and there's so much more to learn.

TV: You have many unique and artistic tattoos.  What inspires your choices?

AJ: My tattoos started at 15 and are like a body map of time --  where I was and what influenced me.
I have chakras, flowers, birds, a dragon, an anatomical heart, and a pirate ship on my back. It continues...my dragon will soon hold a pearl of wisdom, and then, well, I never know when inspiration strikes! They each tell a story. I'm a moving art piece.

TV: Your Yoga classes have been described as 'alternative'. Why is that?

AJ: Yoga is so straight. People roll out their mats and don't talk or laugh. And God forbid if you play loud music -- let alone Rock N' Roll. Part of the success with me and my method is that we're shaking things up. I brought a DJ to the Thomson Hotel and led a Rock n' Roll and a Hip Hop Yoga class in front of 200 people. But, while I bring in this element of playfulness and encourage conversation, I draw from my strong Yoga foundation of 13 years.

TV: So would you say that your Yoga is an evolution from the standard art form?

AJ: Yeah...although people want to have fun and shake things up in Yoga, it still speaks to them spiritually.

TV: Sounds like church. There are churches that are tranquil and serene and other churches where people are jumping up and dancing, but both congregations still receive the same message.

AJ: Exactly, it's like Yoga is the new gospel.

Scarborough Bluffs

The Scarborough Bluffs is a great place to take beach photos. Who would ever think that this small locale is in the Greater Toronto Area. I’ve been told that this photo looks like a fragrance ad. I love how Jill & Jeff are totally in the moment.